Thursday, 1AM

I could file a police report, technically.

A note to myself: baked figs with Gorgonzola and walnut.

Ugh. Really. How many more times I have to ask? How many more ways I have to remind them? How long do I have to wait? 

Yup, not even a minute can be spared for the ones that have helped them. 

Pandan waffles. Banana with PB with crepes. 

It's so wrong that I communicate a lot more with my Insta friends than with the people that should care about me. Yikes.

How did all get me "here"? 

Poor and alone, I am not. 

Blue skies, falling leaves, boots. 

Shanghai, it's been a while. 

Ocean, water, sand, white beach. Laughter and smiles. I miss. 

Abandoned. Uncaring bunch. Used. Anger. 

Journey. 

Thursday, 1AM

I could file a police report, technically.

A note to myself: baked figs with Gorgonzola and walnut.

Ugh. Really. How many more times I have to ask? How many more ways I have to remind them? How long do I have to wait? 

Yup, not even a minute can be spared for the ones that have helped them. 

Pandan waffles. Banana with PB with crepes. 

It's so wrong that I communicate a lot more with my Insta friends than with the people that should care about me. Yikes.

How did all get me "here"? 

Poor and alone, I am not. 

Blue skies, falling leaves, boots. 

Shanghai, it's been a while. 

Ocean, water, sand, white beach. Laughter and smiles. I miss. 

Abandoned. Uncaring bunch. Used. Anger. 

Journey. 

Another Day.. Some Thoughts

It's another hazy day that I woke up to again for way too many times. I had very little sleep although my flu seemed to have gone away, most of them at least. There's quietness around me and I felt obliged to start my day. My appetite for coffee was not back yet, a sign that I am not quite there in terms of health.

For some people, another day is another worry, another problem. For me that's only true too at times, but some existing problems do not go away, they linger on and bug us like itch. The same people with the same problems continue making their problems as ours. And we continue being unable to cut them out of our life.  And we continue trying to help. And we continue being upset because everything has to be their terms. And life goes on. Life continues with its complexities, many of which can not be understood by them.

People, many of them are the ones have not lived long enough on this earth and gained enough life experiences and think they know a lot of things and believe that the opinion of the people that raise them, do not matter because now they wings and they can fly. But they are so overwhelmed by the many things that adults must be responsible for. Some of them simply quit and travel, some of them start blaming others for what they want in life, and accusing them of trying to force them to do certain things.  Funny, huh? I will add strange too. They then begin their quest in finding happiness.

Now. You raise your children to wear blue, black and white as colors of their clothing. After meeting a certain someone and his family, she wears purple and orange. Are you trying to be rebellious or are you that gullible?

And the haze continues blanketing the city.

How about..

I am nobody's last resort, I am someone's first priority.

Saturday morning, on another hazy day. Now that I am back from my short holiday and you know that, how about asking me how the holiday went. It's fine that you did not wish me a safe journey, I know you don't have me in your mind because you are simply busy with your own life and these days, you don't need me for anything much other than being here and continue existing.

How about stop saying that I am doing negative things to the relationship when I ask how things are and tell you to regularly update me with what's going on in your life and how I feel it is appropriate that you show care about my life?

This relationship has become so imbalanced, with me constantly share the stories of my life with you and you hardly share anything. You constantly disappear and only appear when you need something from me.  Communication is a two way street and so is relationship. It is always about give and take, more or less the same amount. It's about being there in sadness and happiness.  If I want a one way relationship, I'd write a blog post like this, without any expectations that people will write back. When I write to someone directly, it is only right to expect some responses.

Do not think that I am leading a lonely life because my life revolves around so few people now! It's better to have few friends than thousands of acquaintances.
Do not think that I am needy because I need to hear from you! Caring about someone that is closely related is not needy, caring about someone that you know for a long time is not pathetic.  It's too bad that you think otherwise.

Don't believe that love is conditional, even the love from your parents or your spouse.  You need to know that if you constantly treat the ones that love you like they don't matter, even if there were your parents, you could simply forget about being loved. Everyone might leave you.  Everyone could leave you to a better place.

People are smart enough to spend time with those who make them happy and better and do not want to waste time on things that are miserable and bring negativity. Life is too short, babe! Everyone wants to be happy.

How about you learn to genuinely care about the people that have been crucial in life? #gratitude

About Marrying

Don't marry a man who doesn't love his mother and a woman who hasn't been a good daughter.

by unknown

A quote I read today.